Chet Meeks (April 26, 1973 - January 11, 2008)
A Celebration of the Life of Chet Meeks was held January 19 at the First Existentialist Congregation of Atlanta. A celebration also was held at Northern Illinois University on January 25. These celebrations brought together many of Chet's family, friends and colleagues to remember Chet and to tell our stories of having shared in his remarkable, loving and accomplished life.
On August 9, 2008, a service will be held in Rawlins, Wyoming. Ace, Heidi, Asa and Andrea heartily welcome you to be with them as they mark Chet's passing at Lake Marie. Further information will be posted as the event gets closer. Ace & Heidi would like for those planning to come to Wyoming to let them know ASAP and they will try to reserve a block of motel rooms at a discounted rate. Their email address and phone number for anyone who might like to reach them: asameeks@msn.com and 307-324-3935.
As noted in Andy's post below, documents, pictures, links and other information about Chet are posted and available for download at Andy's Web site.
Please remember to financially support the Chet Meeks Memorial Fund, an important long-range initiative of Chet's legacy! Please see information above.
As Chet's family and friends continue to mourn our loss and remember his life, "Chet the Scribe" will continue as a place for remembrances, stories and condolences.
We love and miss Chet always.
posted by Chet @ 3:38 PM
90 Comments:
I'm going to miss you Chet. I'm lucky to have known you, and I will be looking for you on the other side of the river.
Miss you, Chet.
Pictures:
http://picasaweb.google.com/finandwal/ChetEMeeks
Here's some Chicago photos of Chet and friends. We'll all miss you Chet, but your spirit will live on.
http://picasaweb.google.com/deirdre.oakley/Chet_Photos
Love from Bernie and Deirdre
I will always hate that this horrible disease is the reason we met. But I will always be grateful that we found this friendship and I will miss my "pen pal" profoundly. To all of Chet's wonderful network of friends and family. I send my most sincere love and sympathy.
Sue
You're always on my mind. And I'm really going to miss you, friend.
Dear Chet,
We have been thinking about you frequently for the past month or so, but didn't want to call and bother you.....I wish we had. Love you Chet. Karen and I will always fondly remember our first visit to Atlanta to see you this past summer. Thanks for insisting that we come. We'll see you again someday, dear friend. Much love and peace to you. Sonja and Karen xoxoxo
My last in-person one-on-one conversation with Chet (on Friday, January 4) included this instant quintessentially "Chet" exchange:
After telling me that the one thing he had learned in 34 years was how foolish it is to waste one day, yet alone one moment, being miserable, and sharing a couple of personal examples, he asserted, as an aside, "I mean, don't get me wrong, I know it's just about impossible to avoid misery in modern society."
Then he went back to haranguing me for any present and future "misery" that I might impose upon myself.
Perfect advice and so fittingly delivered.
Andy, your last exchange with Chet makes me fall in love with him all over again.....and of course miss him deeply.
The pictures from everyone are wonderful.
See you all Saturday,
Kelly
We had so much fun with you. And we love you and miss you.
http://picasaweb.google.com/tommurray4053/Chet
Jason and Mike
Tom
Sorry to monopolize the sharing here, but I just came across this email from Chet, sent to me April 23, 2007. I laughed then, and I laugh now:
"one of my students just gave me a hug..............
i think i am definitely going to quit my job."
Favorite Chet quote
"Hello Wine"
He also said this when we got close to Oak Park during our NIU commutes.
Truly, nobody could match Chet's comic harangues. Grad school would not have been the same without you and I really can't imagine being at the ASAs without you.
Miss you dearly,
Evan
Music for Chet's memorial:
Chet left specific instructions for what songs he wanted played at his memorial, which totals less than 30minutes of music (I guess he wanted things to be brief :-) )
So I need more songs to fill up the CD and I thought it would be nice if anyone had a specific artist or song that you remember Chet liking, or that you remember Chet by, to please send me an email at doakley1@gsu.edu or post a suggestion on this blog.
Thanks,
Deirdre
P.S. Tom do you have a recording of you playing Claire de Lune?
I will always remember chet for his wit and wisdom and for the sociological journey he put me on
Thanks Chet I will miss you
Brian Brutlag
We are establishing a scholarship for graduate students in sociology at the University of Wyoming - in Chet's memory. This is a project we initiated with Chet a few weeks ago, and he was enthusiastic about it. Unfortunately, we didn't finish the list of Chet's friends with phone numbers and addresses before he passed. If you are interested in contributing but won't be at his service this weekend, please email me at baw1000@gmail.com and I will send you the info. We are hoping for a great response, to leave a significant legacy in his name. Thanks, Brett
I first met Chet at his job talk at Northern Illinois University (he got my vote!). Once hired, I later selected Chet as a member of my MA comprehensive exam committee. Chet had an extraordinarily bright mind and witty sense of humor. He will be greatly missed.
Chris Schneider
Deirdre,
The song that I will always associate with Chet is "Little Sister" by Rufus Wainright. He loved that song. Maybe you could include it on the CD. I will miss hearing him tap out the melody on the piano. . .I will miss so much about him. . . still having trouble believing he is really gone.
Love,
Jody
In 1995, Chet had just graduated from UW, and he stayed in my apartment for the summer and took care of my cat, Claire, for me while I was gone. Claire was a mean cat who lashed out at everyone, except for me...and Chet. She adored Chet. Chet told me that one night he was sitting on the couch, with Claire, and he had a tape of Mussorgsky's "Night on Bald Mountain" playing. He said that Claire turned and looked at him with these wild possessed eyes and that it totally freaked him out.
When Claire died a few years later, Chet cried with me over the phone.
I think that when Chet got Tache, the spirit of Claire was guiding him in selecting a cat with Tache's disposition--how else to explain the utter disdain that was Tache's attitude to all of humanity?
Maybe a short piece from "Night on Bald Mountain" could be played on Saturday as a way of acknowledging the cats in Chet's life.
--Susanna
Just to set the record straight: There has never been a recording of me playing “Clair de Lune” – until yesterday afternoon.
As many of you know, the year Chet lived in DeKalb, he spent most weekends with me in Chicago. Late one Sunday morning Chet was grading papers and I was playing the piano and trying to decide what to play for an upcoming reception. After I’d just made two consecutive attempts to play “Clair de Lune,” Chet looked up from his stack of papers and said: “The second one was more technically accurate, but I liked the first one better. When you play it like you mean it, it sounds far more convincing than when you are too careful! Trust yourself and just go for it.”
Chet helped me think more for myself as a musician and challenged me to just jump in and go for it – even when that sometimes leads to pesky imperfections. Chet knew “Clair de Lune” well enough to pinpoint (with amazing accuracy) every wrong note and every rhythmic inconsistency so, while recording this yesterday, I could still almost hear him saying “Just put it out there. Quit thinking so hard!” Good advice, my friend! So my “soulful” version of “Clair de Lune” – with a few wrong notes and all – will be played at his memorial service. Here’s to you, Chet!
Love,
Tom
I had a rule that I would not become a close friend of an undergraduate. In almost 40 years of teaching Chet is the only exception, and he didn't even play disc golf. I just couldn't help myself. At almost exactly the same time Gail met him independently and was similarly entranced.
My sincere apologies to those of you who are more refined than I. Please avert your eyes, but I have to post a word I have never posted before:
Fucking cancer.
Yesterday I walked in to teach the first day of the semester for Soc of Sexuality. I'd brought along the book that Chet, Steve and I edited. Somehow, it had never occurred to me that he would not be around by the first time I'd use the book. He would have gotten such a kick out of hearing how my students react to it.
Let's let the writing he's left us live on.
I miss you Chet!
- Nancy
You are one of the very special persons I came to know in this country. I am so very lucky.
I will always remember you Chet and how you inspired me and so many others. Your insight inspired in Grad school and has honestly carried with me through out life. I can not count the number of times I have engaged in conversation and brought with something you taught me. You taught us all in school, life, and thought. I will miss you and think of you always. Always know how much you are loved.
Kim (Jurgenson) Binder
I met Chet when I was a brand spanking new professor at UW. Chet was probably 21 at the time. He and Brett took Sociology of Law from me, sat together in the front, and made the class a hoot. [They also compared every single line of their answers on homework and exams and seemed to revel in competing with each other for fractions of points.] During one class, one of the students was making an argument that the Tailhook scandal was a farce, that the female soldiers who were harassed and assaulted in Los Vegas deserved it because every woman knows that men have free access to women in Las Vegas and therefore any woman (soldier or not, military or not) who goes to a Vegas hotel deserves whatever happens to her. The kid was serious, and according to Chet and Brett, I just kept backing up in horror as he talked until I slammed into the blackboard behind me and sort of tripped. I don’t even remember what I said to the student. But I do remember that Chet and Brett walked back to my office with me, as they usually did, and they were beside themselves with glee at my reaction – yes, they were a bit naughty even back then. And then, I remember having one of my first, of many more serious, conversations with Chet. He wanted to know how I coped with these kind of situations – what it was like to be confronted both in the classroom and personally by such ignorance and misery, and I told him honestly that there were a lot of idiots out there and you just deal….don’t take them too seriously, rake them over the coals when talking with colleagues, laugh, have a life full of good friends, whatever it takes, and though it’s not always easy, it’s certainly doable
And now fast forward more than a decade. I’m currently looking into GLBT programs around the country, thinking about the possibilities for UW, and considering the need for a text appropriate for an intro class. I wanted a collaborator—someone smart, funny, cutting-edge. Who else but Chet? In November, I contacted him about the potential for working together. Chet’s response to my query was perfect. --- he wrote about the potential as well as the limitations of the field; about what’s out there already, about the problems with not theorizing heterosexuality enough….all the types of observations that we know would come from his wonderful brain. I was so excited about his response. And then I was off to LA; he was having company for the holidays. We agreed to chat more soon. I knew Chet was sick, but never ever wanted to believe that the cancer wouldn’t just go away; if not today, then tomorrow. And regardless, we had this project that was going to take priority over it. And now that can’t happen, and I’m so upset, grief-stricken, angry, just so sad (there aren’t enough words to describe the feelings) … for my/our/the world’s loss of Chet -- a truly, remarkable person.
Cathy Connolly
I don't know what to say. I feel like I shouldn’t be here in this forum. I wasn’t part of the inner circle. I only watched and listened from a distance. My friendship with Chet was one of those “loose connections.” We saw each other at the meetings, hugged, caught up, went on. But, two years ago, the hug was different. It lingered. I still wasn’t fully aware of what he had faced or was about to face. That information came later. At last year’s meeting, I felt such a sense of dread. Again, I didn’t know what to say. Now, I'm so angry and sad. I never got to commiserate about the misery of modern society as inflicted by modern medicine. When reading about Chet's "doctor" I think I hated him almost as much as Chet did. By the time I got up the nerve to contact Chet about his situation, he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. It’s perfectly understandable. I regret that I didn’t say more or do more while he still had the energy. The loss is great. My deepest sympathy to all of you.
In Chet's honor, the Sociology Department at NIU has posted a remembrance page:
http://www.sociology.niu.edu
A Celebration of Chet Meeks will be held on Friday, January 25th.
We share your sorrow.
There are simply no words.
Kay
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Here's several photos from Chet's Celebration. I think Chet would have really enjoyed it.
http://picasaweb.google.com/deirdre.oakley/ChetSCelebration
Deirdre
I spent most of graduate school wishing I could be Chet -- he was so impossibly smart. It would have been nice to be able to hate him, in fact, but he was too wonderful. Three memories...
I remember once when I barely knew him, we had a mardi gras party and instead of doing a king cake (not exactly easy to find in Albany), I made cupcakes with a baby baked in one of them. When I held out the try to him, he said, I really want to eat one, but I don't want to get the baby. I told him not to be such a grump and to eat a stupid cupcake.
He took a bite, rolled his eyes, exhaled with deep annoyance and said, "Of course, I got the f@c*&g baby."
He also asked the hardest and best question at my dissertation defense (no offense to the actual committee members, of course!).
Last, I thought his parents would like to know that last year at ASA, I got into an elevator (either right before or after having drinks with Chet - can't recall now) and overheard a first year sociology graduate student gushing to her friend about having run into the best professor she ever had, Chet Meeks. She gushed to her friend about why he was so great and how he made her want to go to graduate school. She reminded me of a tween girl at a boy band concert. High on Chet. I was a proud little eavesdropper.
My heart goes out to his family and closest friends - he's irreplaceable and will be missed!
I have created a clearinghouse website of sorts for all things Chet (or, rather, the things that I have at hand), including his letter to friends and family (read at his memorial service), Wendy's eulogy, and THE picture of Chet, among other things.
Here: http://www.westga.edu/~awalter/chet/
If you would like me to add any links or anything else, please email me (awalter@westga.edu).
As with Sarah S., I too wished that I could be as smart as Chet. I was in Chet’s graduate school writing group. It was quite an honor. We often said things such as “Well, it’s not as good as Chet’s but here’s my chapter”
My memories of Chet include always finding him in the secretaries office. During graduate school, he’d always stop by and chat with the administrative assistants. This was more than casual banter. He actually developed true friendships with folks who barely received a “hi” before someone announces what they need. He was a brilliant person with a kind soul. Not an ounce of narcissism in him. I always had the weirdest irresistible urge to hug him and he always let me.
I never did make that last phone call to him. I actually was making him a mixed CD of relaxing tunes when he passed away. I never got to tell him how much I cherished him. I suppose that one never does get to truly say good bye. This blog is not only a way for us to say how we feel. Heck – it is 2008, I’m sure that our final resting place has WiFi by now! Cheers to you Chet and thank you for being you!
Kristen W.
I was shocked to hear that you're gone Chet. Some of my happiest memories of dreary Albany NY are connected to you. Your laugh, your wit, your generosity of spirit will always be with me. I just found out five minutes ago that you're gone and I'm just stunned to tears. I will always miss you. I think I speak on behalf of our old "Madison Ave Set" of Albany when I say we love you to bits. Until we meet again...
To our Sweet Chet,
I love & miss you terribly. Needless to say your dad & I are very sad and feel totally lost without you. I just wish I could see you again,touch you,tell you how much I love you with all my heart & soul, and hug you. I am so very thankful that we got to spend the last weeks with you; I would never be able to forgive myself if I hadn't been there. I know in my heart that you are in a much better place; that you're happy & able to do anything you wish whether it's read & write, teach, or just relax with wine,delicious food & beautiful music. I want you to know that we will miss you always, butit helps to know your spirit is with us. We are very sad but I promise you we won't stay sad forever because I want to honor your wishes,and I know it was important to you that we not stay sad forever. Just know that it will take some time, please have patience with us. I love you deeply son.
Mom
Hello to all of you out there.
We just want all of you to know that we so much appreciate everything you did for Chet, and for us. Chet was truly blessed with many true friends as each & everyone of you are.
And for everything you did for us; there just isn't any way to express how truly thankful we are. We couldn't have made it through this difficult time without your love, friendship, help,& support. Please feel free to call or email us anytime, and please know that if any of you need anything please don't hesitate to call on us; we will be there for you with open arms & love in our hearts.
Ace, Heidi, Asa, & Andrea Meeks
asameeks@msn.com (Heidi & Ace)
307-324-3935
Dear Ace, Heidi, Asa and Andrea:
We miss Chet so much as I am sure everybody else does.
I know for myself that everytime I look over at his empty office when I come into work I get this horrible feeling in my gut because I know he isn't there anymore.
You sincerely touched our hearts with your generous kindness to all of us and your deep devotion to Chet.
It is so hard to come to grips with this for his friends so I can't imagine what is like for you.
We wanted to give you some space before we called. But I hope you are doing ok -- we think of you constantly.
Love from Bernie and Deirdre
P.S. The steaks were great -- thanks!
My dear, dear, Chet,
As I continue to come to grips with your passing, I want you to know how very much you meant to me. The kind of friendship I felt I had with you does not come often. You loved me unconditionally, and the feeling that comes from that kind of love is one that I'm not sure I can put into words. All I can say is thank you for being that person in my life and I hope that in some small way I was able to reciprocate.
I gave a lecture recently on the politics of cancer - I wrote it for you, and hope that I made you proud. (You were always my biggest cheerleader). As sad an event as it was for me, I know that keeping the good fight going is what you asked of us and I promise to do my best.
Sure wish you were here to help me make sense of this ridiculous election. (I promise I won't vote for Nader this time).
I love you with all of my heart,
Kelly (aka, your "mouthy leftist feminist pal")
I don't know what to say... words fall soo short...
You are my Brother, you are my Friend. For sure you are my Love in which all the world would marvel in. I breath in, to you and to you breath in, to me, we all breath in together; in this breath. This breath is but only one; for you my Brother,and for you my Friend, for sure you are my Love in which we all must marvel in.
I apoligize and humbly ask for your forgiveness, in that these words fall a million oceans short of hitting thier mark.
With Much Love, Gratitude and Peace to you on your journey, may our paths cross again in the light of this poem.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
It's 2am and I suddenly had an urge to look up Chet Meeks, a grad school friend from SUNY-Albany who I always admired, to surprise him with an email. Now I have tears streaming down my cheeks. He introduced me to Mikhail Bakhtin and is one of the most patient people I know. I remember walking with Chet in a grocery store, asking what to him must have seemed like dumb questions. Yet, he responded so thoughtfully, took a genuine interest in my questions, bought a bottle of wine, and drove me to a get together. I can't type coherently without breaking down... I miss you and thank you for everything you taught me.
My Dear Chet -
I came to your blog to read your words and feel your presence. I miss you so much and I am so angry you left me. You were such a good friend to me - you understood me and accepted me for who I am.
You knew me better than most people. I will never forget the last thing you said to me just a couple of days before you left this planet. Don't worry - I will be fine!
I am sorry Ron and I did not make it to Wyoming to participate in the spreading of your ashes. I wanted to attend for your mom and dad, but they were completely understanding. We are so glad we got to know them. They are wonderful people.
I cherish the memories of shopping with you and your mom at Chicos. She looked great in the clothes you bought her. Then we bought the TV that you knew your dad would soon have. It was special to help you offer your parents a final gift. Ron feels the same.
Hopefully, you know what you meant to me while you were on this planet. I miss you so much and my soul aches from your passing.
Chet, please come visit me in my dreams. I need to connect with you and know you are well... and that we will see each other again.
I miss you terribly. You had many friends, including "best friends." I just wanted you to know that your were my best friend.
I LOVE and MISS you SO MUCH, I hope you are in a place that does not have this pain.
You are my best friend. I will love you forever.
Michael
BTW - I still have your plants from Oak Park. They will also be with me forever... As well as the Toulouse-Lautrec picture you bought me when I could not get into the exhibit. It will always me proudly displayed in my house so I can think of you evey time I see it.
XOXO
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